In the past I have very publicly bad-mouthed your acting and your films, mostly because ever since tasting success in Step Up you have a tendency to accept roles in below-par romantic weep-fests (Dear John, The Vow) or mindless, plot-deficient action films (The G.I. Joe Franchise).
I mostly felt let down because I actually really liked you in Coach Carter and (as much as it pains me to admit it) Step Up. You had some bang-tidy moves. But then you sold out. I’ll admit I haven’t seen 21 Jump Street yet and I hear very good things about that, but I am finally here to humbly offer my apologies.
I have just seen Magic Mike and I am a woman converted. I salute your choice to star in Steven Soderbergh’s latest film. Yes, this was a film about male strippers and included many scenes that were evidently designed to get a female audience going, but your portrayal of the tortured life of a male stripper was also believable, emotive and exciting (despite the plot of the film being a tad sparse). Of course, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves…you’re not going to win any acting Oscars just yet. You have a way to go there yet, young padawan.
But your spectacular rear should win an award. The Guardian‘s review commented that your buttocks could probably affect the tides and I can confirm that they do. They have turned the tide of my opinion. Such a fine behind makes up for your past indiscretions and has thus restored my faith in you. It even managed to surpass Matt Bomer’s knee-weakening beauty, a feat that I before believed impossible. Roll on the sequel (because let’s face it, Soderbergh squeezed 2 sequels out of Ocean’s 11 and so will definitely want to cash in on your bankable buttocks again).
So well done and thank you, Channing Tatum. Thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable film and an even more enjoyable ass. Keep up the good work.
The Reel Thing x
*The Reel Thing does not entirely endorse the objectification of men (though there are some other male actors who should take note of Tatum’s redemption technique…Zac Efron I’m looking at you.)